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  • There are worse things in life than death. If you're ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean.
    - Woody Allen

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  • There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
    - Woody Allen

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  • There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
    - Bob Phillips

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  • There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.
    - Benjamin Disraeli

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  • There are three ages of man - youth, middle age, and 'you're looking wonderful.'
    - Cardinal Francis Spellman

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  • There are no good girls gone wrong - just bad girls found out.
    - Mae West

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  • There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!
    - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

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  • There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
    - Winston Churchill

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  • This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
    - Oscar Wilde

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  • The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.
    - Lucille Ball

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  • The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
    - Groucho Marx

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  • The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
    - Mark Russell

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  • The report of my death was an exaggeration.
    - Mark Twain

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  • The realisation that one is to be hanged in the morning concentrates the mind wonderfully.
    - Samuel Johnson

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  • The Prime Minister has nothing to hide from the President of the United States.
    - Winston Churchill (Stepping from his bath in presence of President Roosevelt.)

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  • The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too.
    - Anton Chekhov

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  • The more I see of the moneyed classes, the more I understand the guillotine.
    - George Bernard Shaw

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  • The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.
    - Madame de Stael (Also attributed to Madame Roland.)

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  • The minute that you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer.
    - Will Rogers

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  • The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
    - Jilly Cooper

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