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  • Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire.
    - George Bernard Shaw

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  • Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
    - Brendan Behan

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  • Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
    - Spike Milligan

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  • Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work.
    - Will Rogers

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  • Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
    - Mark Twain

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  • Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off.
    - Ralph Bus

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  • Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannise their teachers.
    - Socrates

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  • Chanel No. 5.
    - Marilyn Monroe (Asked what she wore in bed.)

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  • By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
    - Socrates

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  • But a lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
    - George Bernard Shaw

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  • Biologically speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female.
    - Desmond Morris

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  • Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
    - Mae West

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  • Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
    - Benjamin Franklin

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  • Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
    - Mark Twain

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  • Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
    - Woody Allen

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  • Bart, with $10,0,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
    - Homer Simpson

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  • Bart, stop pestering Satan!
    - Marge Simpson

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  • Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
    - David Brent

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  • Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.
    - Oliver Goldsmith

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  • As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
    - Woody Allen

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