The Top 14 Things Overheard at the White House

14> "And I would like to begin the annual Thanksgiving toast, Mr. President, by recounting the words of one of my favorite Jewish Country and Western songs..."

13> "Mr. President, you're drinking the gravy again."

12> "And now for the stuffing... hey! Who put a cigar in there?!? This is NOT funny!!"

11> "I'll be back in a minute, Honey. I'm just going to offer the intern a little stuffing."

10> "Roasted turkey!? Dammit, is the deep fryer broken again?"

9> "Man! Who are those hot young babes who came in with Gore and his wife?"

8> "Oh, come on, Al -- you did *not* invent Thanksgiving."

7> "God, I'd be thankful if HE were de-boned."

6> "I did not have seconds of that dish... mashed potatoes."

5> "Pssst... Monica, we don't kneel to say grace."

4> "God is great, God is good.

Oh, my God, I've sprouted wood."

3> "It would not be an unforeseen event for the dryness quotient of my slain meat product to be so elevated at to suggest artificial moistening as a direction in which we may eventually want to move. Then again, if..."

"Would someone just pass Greenspan the friggin' gravy already?!?"

2> "I'm sorry, Mr. Starr, no one here knows the Heimlich maneuver."

1> "Pay attention, Bill: Here's a little carving trick I learned from Lorena Bobbitt."

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[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]